Healthy Relationships with Deceased Loved Ones Our relationships with our loved ones don't end with their death. The relationship merely changes form. As a psychotherapist and clairvoyant medium, I help my clients to maintain healthy relationships with their loved ones on the other side. Healthy post-death relationships are important for the sakes of souls on both sides of the veil of death. Grieving survivors have mixed emotions that they must sort through following the death of a loved one. The survivor probably feels a great deal of sadness, loneliness, and confusion. These are feelings that we expect of someone who has just lost a friend or family member. However, survivors sometimes feel anger or a sense of betrayal toward their deceased loved one. These feelings are difficult to work through since most survivors don't like to admit they are angry with someone who has passed away. It doesn't feel "correct" to hold resentment toward someone who is gone. Yet, admitting these perfectly normal feelings is an important part of healing from a loss. After all, our deceased loved ones are completely aware of how we feel and think about them. We can't hide anything from a person on the other side! We can only hide feelings from ourselves—but at the expense of our peace of mind. When we deny our true feelings, we block our own happiness and also the spiritual progress of our deceased loved one. My client, Laura, for example, was very angry with her father for not taking better care of himself. Laura's dad had passed away after a lengthy illness, and she was furious at him for his unhealthy lifestyle of smoking and drinking, which had contributed to his death. Simultaneously, Laura felt guilty for being angry with her father. She felt she should "have more respect for the dead." During our first session, Laura's father came through from the other side and asked for Laura to please forgive him. He explained that his deep concern for Laura's emotional welfare was keeping him earthbound. This is a very common occurrence: when we are extremely upset about a loved one's death, he or she stays near us to insure that we are okay. However, unless our deceased loved one has an assignment to be our spirit guide, spending so much time with us thwarts their own progress. Laura's father wanted to move on to the spirit world, so he could participate in growth producing activities. But he first wanted her permission to leave her side. Another of my clients, Maryann, held very deep resentment toward her deceased father for the childhood abuse he had inflicted upon her. During our session, Maryann's father came through and expressed his deep regret for hurting her. He also asked for her forgiveness. As Maryann sobbed tears of grief connected to both her childhood abuse and to her father's death, Maryann's deceased paternal grandfather suddenly appeared. Her grandfather explained that he had been responsible for much of Maryann's childhood abuse. He explained how he had severely beaten Maryann's father when he was a boy. This childhood abuse had spurred Maryann's father into becoming a child abuser when he grew up. The grandfather begged Maryann to forgive him and her father. He explained that, by forgiving both of them, Maryann would release herself from the snares of unhealed anger and resentment. Both Laura and Maryann wanted to forgive their deceased fathers. But wanting to forgive, and honestly forgiving are two separate processes. Both of my clients had several counseling sessions with me before they were ready to release their anger and resentment completely. Laura was finally able to see her father's unhealthy habits as his way of dealing with his unhappy career. She could feel compassion for him for being stuck in an unsatisfying job, and this mindset helped her to release her blame toward him. My other client, Maryann forgave her father and grandfather after she told me, "I'll forgive my Dad and my Grandpa, but I won't forgive their acts." This is one way to let go of old anger. After all, it's most important to forgive the person, if not their actions. We do ourselves and our deceased loved ones a world of good when we openly admit and work through all of our grief-related emotions. One good method is to write a very honest letter to your deceased loved one. As you write your letter, don't edit or censor your feelings in any way. Remember, your loved one already knows everything you feel about him or her. Your loved one doesn't judge you for holding any negative feelings; he or she simply wants you to feel the peace of mind and happiness that comes from self-honesty and forgiveness. Your relationships with your loved ones on the other side can be wonderfully fulfilling. Many of my clients tell me that their post-death relationships with their loved ones are even closer and more honest than before their death. Death doesn't mean an end to the love you have shared. Remember: love never dies!